Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Love
Today there was a pause in sacrament meeting as it was Fast Sunday, and it must have pricked my heart because before my mind really new what I was doing my legs stood up and walked me to the front of the chapel. Adam was out with Briggan and I had just left my kids. I didn't even warn them that I was leaving. I just up and left. When I realized that, I didn't think I could just walk back to my seat so I just hoped they would stay reverent. When it was my turn to speak, I said that I was bearing my testimony because I know when you share it it grows, and that was my hope. To help my testimony grow. We just had general conference the weekend before so I relayed how I had the opportunity to be in a very small, intimate meeting with Elder Holland once. I remember him becoming very emotional as he expressed his love for us. I know he didn't know me, I'd never met him before, and I'm sure it was that same way with all the other young women in the room, but the spirit was able to relay to my heart what he felt in his heart. I knew, without a doubt that when Elder Holland said he loved me, he meant ME. I knew he loved me, Britnee Walker. I know that when the general authorities say they pray for us and they think of us and they love us, they really meant that. That is true. It shows us a glimpse of how our Father in heaven loves all of his children. I also felt that as I had my little Daiken. Before he was born I didn't possibly know I'd be able to love another child as much as Brailee, but when he was born I realized that love is not divided, but rather, it is multiplied. I know our Father in heaven is very aware of us and that he loves us, each one of us individually.
Sweet Tenderness
Today was one of those go go go days. Right in the middle of the day, my friend called and cried to me on the phone about a bunch of things that have been adding up in her life. I really wished I could have bought flowers for her to brighten her day. But alas, there is no money for that. So instead, I decided I'd make her flowers. Chelsee was at my house, so I enlisted her help and we went downstairs to try and find my stash of paper and embellishments. We started cutting and threading and gluing. It wasn't more than about two seconds before the kids followed us down. I didn't have a lot of time to get this done, so when the kids started asking if they could help, I was quick to say "No, No, No." I didn't want to make a big mess to have to clean up when I didn't have time for that. They kept asking and I kept telling them no. Chelsee had cut a flower and then decided she didn't like it, so Brailee quickly grabbed it and started embellishing it. She had added a ton of buttons, so I told her she couldn't have so many. I made her take them off. I was in a hurry, so I really didn't have a lot of patience. I did tell her how nice it was, but only in quick passing. Later that night, when I got all of the kids in bed, it was finally time for a little "me time". So I opened the door to my bedroom to head to the shower, and as I took about four steps in, I found the flower that Brailee had made laying on my pillow. She had, without saying anything about it, or making it a big deal, quietly taken it up to my room when I didn't know. How sweet, and my heart melted. I stood there, softened. I had ran and rushed all day, and yet, Brailee still loved me. She had taught me that in everything that had happened that day, where my happiness truly lies. Not in running, not in trying to please others, not in having a clean house, not even in trying to serve others, but in my own sweet family. Happiness is in the simple quiet. Definitely not in the crazy rushing. I love my children more than anything in the entire world. I find my greatest joy in being a mother. Thank you Brailee for reminding me of that. Thank you for teaching me and for loving me despite all my imperfections.
Trying Something New
Friday, April 8, 2011
Kindergarten Today
I took this picture of Brailee today when I went to help out in her kindergarten classroom. I am so grateful that I am able to go in and help out as I know it really means a lot to Brailee. I love seeing the interaction between the kids. I love seeing first hand what they are learning and how her teacher teaches. I love knowing all the kids names. I love that today I could take that step back and see how they have already grown up so much. How precious this time is right now as my oldest is only in Kindergarten. I know time flies, so fast, and for only two more months will I ever be able to say this.
Strawberry Jam
Today we were all in the kitchen together making a mess as I was in the process of making bread and jam at the same time. Luckily I had some helpers. Adam was cutting the strawberries, and Daiken and Estee were taking turns mashing them up. I'd add some ingredients to the dough, and then head to the stove to make the pectin. After a few hours, and enjoying each others company we ended up with 6 loafs of bread, 1 chili bread braid, and 12 cartons of strawberry jam. Woohoo!!!
This was definitely one of those "step back and see through different eyes" kinds of moments. I saw the messy kitchen, the kids helping, Adam home, and all the love.
Daily Doses of Happiness
After quite a few years of struggles and trials and a lot of unhappy moments, looking through it all there were always daily doses of happiness. You know those times when you can take a step back and look through different eyes and for a moment, all is well. All is perfectly well, and life is happy. Very happy. You are totally at peace and you feel that for that moment, you have the world. That is why I decided to create this blog; to take note of, document, bring attention to, and give thanks for each of my daily doses of happiness.
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